“When we talk about that which will sustain and nurture our spiritual growth as a people, we must once again talk about the importance of community. For one of the most vital ways that we sustain ourselves is by building communities of resistance, places where we know we are not alone.”
The Art of Conversation
The art of conversation is a dance of words, silence, and shared understanding. Humans have always used conversation not just to convey information, but to collectively make meaning. It is through conversation that we discover who we are as individuals and as communities.
The practice of meaningful conversation requires courage and vulnerability. When we are truly open to dialogue, we must be willing to be changed by what we hear, to have our assumptions challenged, and see the world from each other’s perspective.
The transformative power of conversation isn't guaranteed - it emerges when we approach exchanges with intention, curiosity, and a genuine desire to understand rather than simply to be understood.
Behaviors that help take conversation to a deeper realm:
Wheatley, M. (2002). “All Social Change Begins with a Conversation.” Utne Reader. Published online October 26, 2007.
We acknowledge one another as equals
We try to stay curious about each other
We recognize that we need each other’s help to become better listeners
We slow down so we have time to think and reflect
We remember that conversation is the natural way humans think together
We expect it to be messy at times.
“Listen for what surprises you. Notice what disturbs you. If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. If something you say disturbs me, I must believe something contrary to you. My shock at your position exposes my own. These moments are great gifts.
We know how to have deep conversations, but we sometimes have to let go of our modern ways of being in meetings to get past the behaviors that keep us apart. We have cultivated some bad behaviors – speaking too fast, interrupting others, monopolizing the time, giving speeches or pronouncements. Many of us have been rewarded for these behaviors. We’ve become more powerful through their use. But none of them lead to wise thinking or healthy relationships. They only drive us away from each other.”
- Wheatley, M. (2002). Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future.
Community Agreements (an invitation):
1. Show up (or choose to be present)
2. Pay attention (to heart and meaning)
3. Tell the truth (without blame or judgment)
4. Be open to outcome (not attached to outcome)
Adopted from Arrien, A. (2001) “The Way of the Teacher: Principles of Deep Engagement” in Lantieri, L. (2002). Schools with spirit: Nurturing the inner lives of children and teachers.